Monday, May 31, 2004

Memorial Day Joshua Tree Synopsis


Kristin, Ben, Caroline

Caroline, Kristin, Ben

Caroline, Kristin, Abram, Ben, Vic

Ah, so much. Joshua Tree was a blast. Of hot air that is. I mean, it was ... really hot. It was a lot of fun too. We also ended up talking about some really deep stuff. Like, really deep. Here are the (same) pictures on Ofoto.

I left San Diego on Saturday around 11:30am. It was nice to be able to play ultimate that morning for a bit. With a bit of fussing around we were on the road around 3pm after picking up Abram, convincing Caroline to go and waiting for Kristin to show up. Along the way Ben and I were mostly talking about studying out other religions. He's been studying up on Hinduism a bit, which I thought was very interesting. I am excited to get more well-versed in other religions, and not just from the "Christian" perspective. What I mean is, I've taken a cursory look at other religions before, but always with a critical eye because I was coming from a strong Christian bias. I think I really ought to give them a bit more thorough treatment, and get a chance to hear it from supportive sources rather than just critical ones.

We arrived around 7:30pm and set up camp. Everyone was really helpful so we got dinner and a fire going really quickly. Afterwards we sang songs late into the night. I felt kind of bad because the campsite was nice and cozy with respect to other campers. We must have been about 20 feet away from the next tent. They didn't seem to mind though.

On Sunday the sun came up around 6:30am. Insanity. I'm not much of a morning person, but it was much worse considering the sun turned our tent into a greenhouse instantaneously. Plus we were being kind of loud and I was feeling it for our neighbors. Anyway it worked out fine; we had breakfast and then tried to escape the sun for a while. Ben tried to setup a little lean-to with his hammock but it just wasn't cutting it. Kristin fell asleep in her tent -- it was so hot though I was honestly afraid for her health. So we decided to head into town to escape. We went ghetto and brought our picnic lunch into McDonald's, which was a lot of fun. Then we went to Starbucks to "study". Turns out they had Cranium there, which I thought was very cool. It was Caroline and me against Ben and Abram. I won't mention who won. But I did think it was interesting that Ben mentioned he hadn't lost a game in a looong time. Actually, it was about the closest game I've ever seen.

By this time we decided to head out to the actual Joshua Tree park. After some aimless driving around and finding the slowest entrance booth in creation, we made it to a nice one-mile hike. We saw rocks. And cacti. And dirt. And lizards. And one rabbit. Neat. After that we went to a place called Jumbo Rock. Ben and I managed to climb this pretty steep one. It was quite an accomplishment. Ben almost gave into fear but he battled it valiantly and overcame. That was very satisfying. On the way down we helped Caroline down because she was feeling a bit spooked too. Almost like one of those team-building exercise things. Fun.

After all that we went to another place called Key View where we had a little communion service while the sun set. It was pretty much picture perfect, except the wind was really chilly. Abram shared his thoughts from Matthew 26:69-27:5, comparing and contrasting Peter and Judas. We sang a song, prayed, and passed some bread and juice. It was very cool.

We headed home and started up a late dinner -- around 9pm. After dinner we had quite a discussion on the topic that I have been thinking about for a while -- the idea of being "chosen" or "special" from God's perspective. It was a little difficult getting through sometimes, mostly because I'm still forming a lot of what I'm feeling. The main idea is this: What does it mean to be chosen by God? And how does that relate to the concept that God loves all people equally? I think I'll dedicate another post to this exclusively, actually. Anyway, as far as the conversation went, I ended up getting a little frustrated with Abram because I felt like he was just trying to "fix" me. He backed off after I said something, but I felt bad because the whole mood after that felt a bit more somber. Anyway, this morning Abram apologized to me for not listening, which appreciated a lot.

One thing Caroline asked me was, what prompts you to think about this? And, it was a good question. And I think I just answered off the top of my head, kind of before I really thought about it. But as it was coming out I think it started to sink in.

For most of my Christian walk I have devoted myself to people in such a way that I tried very hard to treat everyone equally. In a sense I denied feeling closer to anyone over another, because in my mind that was playing favorites, and in my understanding, God didn't play favorites, so I shouldn't either.

More recently though, I've realized that it is unrealistically idealistic to feel obligated to "love" everyone equally -- that is, to devote the exact same amount of time, heart, energy, etc. to anyone that God puts in my path. And maybe some of the consequences of my way of thinking is that I never really have developed those really close friendships. Or, at least I haven't really allowed myself to invest more into people that I feel naturally closer to, especially because most of them are far away or married or both. Anyway, so I've changed my way of thinking a bit. But then, what does that mean about God's view of us? Are there people that he feels more close to than others?

The difficult part comes when I realize that, I don't have someone that cherishes me above all others, and who I feel the same way towards. It is a very special manifestation of God's love. We are supposed to say, "God is enough;" in other words, the right answer is to meet this need to feel "special" to someone with God. But the honest truth is, I have a hard time feeling that God thinks that I am "special" in that same way. Imagine someone lamenting, "No one loves me" and someone else responding, "Oh come on, your mother loves you!" Not quite the point.

Anyway, thanks Caroline, for asking. I think it was a good step in the right direction. Unfortunately the mood seemed kind of subdued afterwards. I didn't mean to bring everyone down. After that I was pretty much drained and zonked out pretty quick.

Whew. I made it home today around 4pm and I must say I was pooped. A lot of it was physical, but maybe a bit emotional too. It was quite a lot to chew on. Anyway, good times, stuff, dude, this guy, straight carrots, Ben-cakes, super-sized, grounds-where-kids-play, lizards-that-lounge -- you name it, we had it. A great Memorial Day weekend.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Wednesday, Lost Wages

When I am able to drive somewhere in Las Vegas without calling Kyung, it will be time for me to leave *.

My trip here is almost over. Today I did lunch with James Counts and Kyung and another guy helping James move named Darrell. Jill and I hung out after that a bit at Jamba Juice where she told me her take on the world and culture and how she wants to be the next Connie Chung. Very interesting stuff. Then I did dinner with the Lovgrens which was a blast. Mm, I probably should have taken some pictures. Oh well, next time.

It looks like all the people who moved here from San Diego are doing well. I am pretty encouraged at how people have really settled in. It's good to know that they are being taken care of.

No real progress today on the whole "what to do with my life" situation. I think about it pretty much every day but it doesn't get much clearer. Jill is pretty convinced that God always makes things clear, but I'm not so sure. I tend to think that God will make me figure out things the hard way.

All in all, visiting friends and stuff has been pretty economical. I've paid for maybe one meal for almost this whole week, haha. Okay, Kyung is calling me a night-owl. Tomorrow, it's back to Diego.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Tuesday in Vegas, Baby, Vegas

Today I did lunch with Jenn Graves at a Souplantation rip-off named Sweet Tomatoes or something like that. It was nice. They even had the to-die-for blueberry muffins. Sometime after that I went on a long trek to try to get discount tickets to Mamma Mia, but to no avail. I guess they don't have 10pm shows on Tuesday nights. Oh well, it was a nice walk.

I joined the Counts' bible-talk which was a lot of fun. Aisha, Kobi, Jaxon and Jeric were hanging out watching TV when I got there, and when Jaxon saw me, he said hello, then turned to Aisha and said, "This is my friend Victor." And to that Aisha says, "He's MY friend too." So funny! Afterwards Jaxon asks me, "Can you come over to my house, right now?" and of course I couldn't resist. We went managed to get ourselves to Dairy Queen and have a little treat before I dropped him off at home. Fun fun!

Jenn and I had a discussion about the whole idea of how I feel kind of torn between the idea of just hanging out with people I like to hang out with, versus...well, I don't know. I guess the opposite is doing what I am doing now -- staying in San Diego where I don't really feel that close to people. That's of course an over-generalization. There are plenty of people in San Diego I feel close to, it's just that most of them are married, and there are hurdles associated with that.

Consider this idea: I want to spend time with the people with whom my love is most effective. And then consider this idea: I want to spend time with the people who are the easiest for me to love.

One statement certainly tends to stir more indignation in people than the other. The question is, isn't it the same statement? I've thought a lot over the last weeks about the idea that friendship is equivalent to investing in people. And, I really enjoy the idea of spending time with the people with whom I genuinely like spending time. I just can't help but think that that attitude creates cliques. I guess it is a matter of drawing line somewhere in between. I think I have a hard time figuring out where that line is.

Some scriptures that come to mind:

Luke 6:32 - "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even `sinners' love those who love them."

John 21:20-22 - "Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

Monday in Las Vegas

Kyung, Jenn


Okay, here goes.

I've decided to actually start a real blog. I am inspired by a discussion with Scott Campbell about how he decided to go ahead and create a daily cartoon for his company's website. Cool idea. I especially admired his comment about not caring if it was funny and stuff. I guess you have to practice anything if you're going to get good at it.

Anyway, I'm in Las Vegas, I've been hanging out here with all of the San Diego refugees escaping joblessness and outrageous housing prices. It's been tons of fun. Saturday was Doug and Mae's birthday party, which was kind of a west region reunion for me. My date Jill made me dance; I was reluctant at first but it was a good push and I had a good time. Actually I was a little sore later that night. I guess I don't use my dancing muscles very often.

Sunday, church was good; there was a great testimony from a woman and her step-father, focused on forgiveness. It was quite moving. Ish shared some scriptures continuing along that line. Overall I was impressed with the sincerity of the speakers and the heart shown by everyone. Ish seems to improve a lot every time I hear him speak also. And of course he is as expressive as ever. After church I spent time with the Trianas. They fed me well and I afterwards I took a little power nap. Ben is huge now, but he wasn't feeling well; Sophia was teasing her sister Sonia and had to get ... disciplined; Sonia was trying to be a little rascal too. Cutest kids. I was going to try to make the second service in the afternoon but the Trianas live so far out in the boonies, by the time we got there everyone was gone.

Today I spent time with James Counts, did the usual computer tech stuff, finished up his game of Go Fish with Kobi. He's getting huge too. Hard to believe he's in kindergarten.

I did dinner with Catherine Vizcarra too, and her boyfriend Bob. He seems like a really nice guy; certainly different than what I pictured. Well, I guess I don't know what I pictured. Anyway, it was great to catch up and laugh and get filled in on new stuff in her life. Sounds like her church involvement is going well, and her relationships with her family members are going much better.

Well that's a lot of facts. This blog thing will take some getting used to. Maybe I'll get to my other ideas tomorrow. Here are some more pictures on Ofoto.