New York Times, 2004

Alan's office at MTV

New York was awesome. I'll let the pictures do most of the talking.

Dan, Scott and I arrived at different times at JFK and met up with Alan at his work. Al had to work a bit on a film he had entered into a film festival, so we goofed off (air hockey and such) while he finished up. Later we found out that two of the three films that Alan either wrote or co-wrote made it into the top fifteen. Unfortunately, the one he worked on so diligently this weekend didn't make it. Quite an accomplishment, nevertheless.

Relaxing at Megan's

We ate dinner at this pub called Teddy's near Megan's place, where Alan fell in love with the waitress. Well, not really; he was just overly impressed with how nice she was. I figured that he's just been in New York too long. What I thought was really funny was when Dan's burger came out, it was on an English muffin, which he didn't order. "Here you go. Sorry, we ran out of bread." As if that wasn't enough, Alan didn't think anything of this. Curiouser and curiouser.

Megan plays drums too.

Friday was uncharacteristically wet and muggy. It was going to be an interesting day moving Alan into his new apartment.

Dan does some on-the-fly photo editing

All moved in

Will, Alan's friend, was also helping with the move, which we finished right on time. Afterwards Alan had an improv gig. His group opened for Will's group, Johnny Lunchpail, also an improv group. I was very impressed. Alan's group did a series of improv sketches based on the book 1984. It kind of makes me want to read the book again. Well, maybe I'll just watch the movie. Anyway, improv seems so gutsy. Alan's group was good; Johnny Lunchpail was a bit more experienced — they were hysterical. We did the after-party thing at a bar for a while, then after that we fulfilled one of Scott's goals by trekking to a White Castle and enjoying some bite-size bundles of burger goodness.

Alan's rooftop view is amazing.

Saturday was our big New York tourist day. After Alan's mattress was delivered, we worked out some personality issues, which was good.

Later we ate at Grimaldi's, a supposedly famous pizzeria. The olives were way too salty though.

This is the Promenade, about a block from Alan's apartment. Notice the Statue of Liberty in the background.

We took a nice stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge.

The World Trade Center Path

Visiting Ground Zero and St. Paul's Church next-door was very moving. There was a bell in the church yard which was donated by the city of London after September 11^th that I found particularly thought-provoking. The inscription on it read, "Forged in Adversity." It reminded me that as sheltered as we are, a fierce battle rages. It encourages me to make sure that whatever I do with my life, I do what I can to contribute.

We visited the place where John Lennon was shot.

Close by is a section of Central Park named Strawberry Fields. In there is this plaque with the word "IMAGINE". After I saw these, it was pretty clear to me where John got all of his song ideas.

Around 7pm we started on a two-hour tour cruise. The guide was a great orator with a perfect dead-pan. He was also pretty hard-core about people not standing up in the seated section, blocking other peoples' view. Witness the man in the red jacket, a major offender.

Some fun facts:
New York's water pressure can only push water up six floors. All buildings higher than this require pumps and a water tower on the roof.

Touring jazz bands used to call the cities they toured "apples;" of course, New York was the biggest and brightest apple to play in; hence the nickname, the "Big Apple."

Dan with Lady Liberty

Alan relates our adventures to Megan

We dropped by Rockefeller Center and saw the set of the Today Show. We ended the night fulfilling another of Scott's life-long dreams with some authentic New York pizza slices. Unfortunately they also might have been the source of some authentic New York indigestion.

Alan's new address.

Sunday was pretty chill. We ate breakfast at a nice spot near Alan's new apartment where I think I misplaced $20. Alan hooked us up with MTV car-rides to the airport, and we were off. For some reason my flight had a lay-over in Atlanta which was pretty miserable, but eventually I made it home safe and sound. And today it was back to the grind.

Old School

Vic, circa 1980?

Okay, this picture wasn't taken today. Maybe a new picture every day is a little ambitious. The days I don't take a picture, I'll use as an opportunity to dust off the ol' archives.

Faith, if you're reading this, sorry I didn't call; Changes That Heal went waay over and we finished around midnight. It was a great discussion though. I'll give you a call before I leave tomorrow.

The other night I happened to see the show Family Plots. After a little while, I started to get into it; of course the people on there are really wack. I got the distinct feeling that this family had some significant boundary issues. I started to think, "I wonder where this place is?" As they filmed one of the workers driving by the business location, I read the sign: "Poway Bernardo Mortuary." Go figure. I should have known — people that crazy could only be from San Diego.

Today at work we had an interesting meeting discussing the future of our company. I was having flashbacks of Dan proselytizing eAssist and it's rock solid future. Honestly though, these guys seem a lot more down to earth. It does help to have a bit of vision for what I can contribute. And hey, at least they gave us pizza.

Okay, I'm packed and ready to go. Hopefully my next blog will be from New York.

Picture a Day

I've decided that I'm going to bring my camera everywhere I go and try to take at least one picture a day. Unfortunately I forgot about my idea when I was at Irene's house, which would have been a perfect opportunity. So today I'll have to settle for a picture of Carlos on the sofa watching Big Trouble in Little China, which is where I found him when I got home.

Today and tomorrow are the anniversaries of George Gurganus' death and birth, respectively. Every year Irene spends time on these two days reading all of his cards, listening to tapes, and celebrating his life. Tonight she had people over and showed a video of his memorial service in 1992. It was quite an inspiration. I had already known that George and Irene, while in their 70s, had decided to leave the comforts of the United States to help rebuild the church in Japan. That's a pretty amazing example, to me. Tonight I also learned that many years before that they had left their all-white congregation somewhere in Abeline, Texas to join an all-black church nearby, to pave the crossing of racial boundaries. A lot of people thought they were crazy for doing so, but they endeared themselves so much to their new congregation that they were later asked to become elders. Impressive, most impressive.

The video was pretty amusing too in that it demonstrated how long ago 14 years really was. Two words: sweet mullet. Business in the front, party in the back, folks.

I've told a couple people today that I am missing the unemployed life. It's funny that just a few weeks ago I was relishing in the fact that I need to be somewhere every "tomorrow morning," 9am. And now it feels like a chore. Really this is the best of both worlds though — it's a short term commitment and the fact that I can't work more than eight hours a day frees me up at a decent hour everyday and is completely a blessing. One thing that George's video helped galvanize in my mind is my desire to go to school. Apparently he had a bachelor's degree, two masters degrees, and a Ph.D. That would probably be overkill for me but I think a master's would certainly be worthwhile. The only problem is, what to study?

List of Things Vic Could Do When He Grows Up

• Psychology/Psycho-therapy
  
• Medical research
  
• Bio-informatics, bio-systems, nursing-informatics
  
• Teach English and learn Mandarin in Taiwan
  
• Teach computer science (probably save for the last third of my career though)

Any other suggestions out there? Anyone? Anyone?

Yosemite Rocks!

Yosemite was so much fun. It's good to be back home though. I'm mostly grateful that I wasn't sick. I was feeling pretty crummy on the drive up, so as soon as we arrived, around 2pm on Wednesday, I slept most of the afternoon. I figured the high altitude had an effect on me too. What was interesting was that I ended up laying in bed for a few hours unable to sleep for all except the last night there. I think I was thinking too much too.

The Enyarts (and Nikki): Steve, Nikki, Sandy, Shelly, Jared

The biggest gripe that Nikki had about the trip was that there are no feats of strength in Yosemite — well, at least, not the kind that have the kind of return on investment that he's used to. The closest thing we came to was horseback riding, which was actually mule-back riding. The most difficult thing about that was filtering out the over-achieving comments of the kid on the mule behind me all the way up. "Don't let your mule eat! Keep your helmet on!" Um, thanks kid. Can you take a really close look at my mule's rear leg?

Our cabin; note Nikki's possibly illegal pocket-racer

I had met the Enyarts before (Jared's parents), but this time I got a little more time to spend with them. I met Jennifer, Jared's sister, her husband Darren, their child Spencer, and Darren's dad (I think) Sam too. Super cool family.

Our typical morning view of half-dome, thanks to the (controlled) fires going on during our stay

Anyway, I ended up thinking a lot about where my life is at with respect to my bible-talk, my household, and my leadership group. I am finding that I tend to really rant a lot about these things, especially when left to the solitude of my thoughts. The thought that kept lingering in my mind is, if I am so smart/wise/loving, why isn't my intelligence/wisdom/love speaking for itself? Why do I feel like I need to explain myself all the time? If I was really leading the way, wouldn't people just feel the results of my decisions through my life, instead of me having to preach it? It brings to mind Matthew 11:19. And, the other thought that formed after a lot of tossing and turning was, Who is the common denominator in all of these relationship circles? *sigh*

Jared's secret map to a secret cave for secret spelunking (P.S. don't tell anyone)

The revelation in all this, I believe, is that I am not a very merciful person. I tend to evaluate people and situations in terms of whether they deserve things — my attention, my praise, my investment. Undoubtedly everything and everyone in creation will eventually fail me or be flawed in some way; therein lies my excuse to deem them undeserving of investment. And that is the way I have felt about nearly all of my relationships — these people don't deserve my praise, my appreciation, my admiration. It feels awful to actually say that, but there it is.

There was a bad fire on the way home, near Magic Mountain

I began to think about the definition of grace — unmerited favor. Man. And I start to realize that here is where the rubber meets the road with regards to real love, real Christianity. Because what all this line of thinking leads to is the fact that deep down, I really feel like I do deserve praise and appreciation and admiration. Double *sigh*.

Another interesting sight on the way home. Probably not a good day for this guy

Anyway, I guess that's what some time away from the typical distractions of life gets me. Next week: New Yawk. Time to hit the sack.

Teen Camp

The boys: Marcus, John, Ryan, Johnny, Eli

More: Kyle, Ryan

Me, Hannah, the camp coordinator

Frank, Lisa, me

Here are some more photos.

Whew. So much stuff, so little time. I think I will try to catch up to today in chunks. Starting with teen camp...

Teen Camp was held at Highland Resort. It was from Sunday, June 27^th to Thursday, July 1^st, and totally cool. At first, at the end of the second day, I was like, I am not going to survive. But by the end of it, I was feeling sad that it was almost over. Lynn and I drove up on Sunday morning -- we had a meeting at 8:30am and I practically slept half-way up there and was still groggy by the time we arrived. The first day was basically a hit-the-ground-running introduction to what we would be doing with the kids as far as group activities and such. At 2pm the kids started arriving. I think Jeff Wadstrom was in charge of the whole thing, but a sister named Lisa Nichols pretty much ran most of the workshops. She's an inspirational speaker for teens and high-school students all over the country. I was pretty impressed overall because it was such a departure from our tradition retreat style (tons of preaching and not much discussion). There was a lot of group work and processing feelings and stuff, which I thought was so good. I think all of our ministries need this actually. In fact, it was a lot like a suggestion I made to Kai Foster about something I would like to do with our singles ministry. Anyway. Of course, some of the kids weren't so into it, which was totally understandable too.

We played a lot of ultimate frisbee too, which was a blast. It was really fun just being out there with the kids giving my whole heart to whatever we were doing.

The guys in my cabin were really cool. One night they had a wrestling match. I was really tempted to join in but didn't in the end. I figured I would get a chance the next night, but I was too wiped out. One of my only regrets.

Other random memories: Jackie Hodge pestering me to do a Sheryl Crow song for the talent show; Kia asking Lisa how she dealt with being a black woman in predominantly white San Diego; Allison Smith's quarter-trick and monologue at the talent show; Scott Yohner getting baring his heart and soul in front of everyone during the discussion sessions.

Highlights: doing the high-ropes course, and being able to encourage Lisa to make it to the top, and her sharing about it; Nacho (one of the kids) telling me that I sing with all my heart; being able to tell Tara that she had a lot to be proud of; Brandon telling me he appreciated how I built up the team on the ultimate field; grabbing the flag at the last game of Capture the Flag (I eventually got tagged, but Tyler picked up the flag and won the game). Fun fun fun.

[Sara(h)]3

Sherry, Rey

Sara

Vic, Sara

Sarah, Jenica

Kim, Sara

Sara, Vic, James, Sarah, Jenica

What a weekend.

Saturday I played ultimate frisbee as per usual but for some reason I was a little ticked off. Maybe my competitive nature was taking over or something. Anyway I grabbed a bite to eat afterwards and drove around to eat my food somewhere and just think and I happened upon some people playing -- go figure -- ultimate frisbee. So maybe we'll team up with them sometime. Later on the Stokes invited me over for a BBQ, which was excellent. Zack and Andy and I finished the song. We incorporated Allison Smith and Jana Stokes too, which was a great addition.

On Sunday I was a bit anxious as usual but the song went great. Aja also came up with a new song, which turned out to be amazing. All in all it was very encouraging. During the pre-game meeting though, Guillermo shared a bit about how it was tough thinking about these next few weeks being his last as an evangelist. I felt really sad about that. I was kind of focused on the logistics of the service at the time so I didn't even really get to say anything to him, but hopefully I'll get a chance sometime soon. I really appreciate all that he has done, and I absolutely hope that the Adame family will be able to stay in UC.

I talked to my dad to wish him a happy Father's Day and he was surprised and encouraged. That was pretty cool.

Everybody and their mammas went to Phil's BBQ for lunch after church, which I thought was going to turn out to be a complete and udder disaster but instead it was decent. The food took forever but Sara (Burdette) was gabbing away so the time went by quickly.

Later on Sara (Lee) came down from LA with Sherry and Rey and we wandered about San Diego for a bit. I took them to La Jolla Shores, then Mt. Soledad. After that we went to eat at Lorna's, and then goofed off at my house and called a bunch of places looking for a karaoke place. The kind with private rooms. Because some of us were shy. We eventually found one only because Sherry had a cousin that was into it. And we went and it was very fun. Our ears were ringing afterwards though.

This morning I called Chuck to wish him a belated happy Father's Day. I guess tonight they are/were planning on hosting a BBQ for their Caballeros group. Mom was so funny about it. "The other people in the group are much better cooks; I hope everything works out" or something like that. I'll ask her how it went tomorrow.

Today was my first day of work. Fun fun fun. I was really pleasantly surprised because I stayed awake through all the meetings and I was picking everything up pretty quickly. I asked some (IMHO) intelligent-sounding questions and I was actually pretty fascinated with the stuff we'll be doing. Basically we're making the work-flow for military acquisition more efficient. The typical comment that people make about government work is that you wonder how they get anything done with all the mountains of paperwork and such. But the fact is that there are some pretty monumental achievements that are undertaken by the government so you have to appreciate the kind of effort and planning these things require. I have a greater respect for all that goes into all the battleships, satellites, and other big stuff that the government puts together. Anyway, Celia, the HR lady, took me and two other hires out to lunch today, which was cool too. Not a bad first day back in the working world.

It's interesting how much work affects my morale. I noticed how much more motivated I was to do things after work. It's almost intoxicating. I suppose it's feeling needed and valued that I appreciate so much. I kind of wish I didn't need it so much, actually. But I think that's why part of me really wanted/needed to take this job even though I wasn't technically looking for it. At any rate, my quest for more education will need to take a back seat for a bit. Both of my parents were certainly happy for me in the fact that I got a job -- not like relieved, as if they were worried, but more like they were glad for the sense of validation for the worth of my education and experience in that my skills are still in such high demand. That felt good.

Sara(h Johnson) is back in town for the summer; she completes the [Sara(h)]s three. I got our household to hang out with her and her friend Jenica who helped her drive out here from Dallas. Zack joined us for dinner at Rubio's, and later James and Sara B. and Kim joined us at the Living Room where we played Go Fish (argh) and Spoons with straws instead of spoons. Lots of fun stuff. What a jam-packed day.

Red Robin

Carlos, Michelle

Vic, Russ

Jason, Monica

Monica, Estella

Susan, Pam. Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Pam?

Thanks everyone who came! I had a great time. Good food, good company. Aside of course from the "$6 burger" commercial bit.

Afterwards we went home and watched the movie Hero. At least those of us who lasted that long. Great movie.

Today I think I'd better get with Zack again to finish the song we're writing for Sunday. Deadlines, deadlines. Maybe after some reading. Also I have an interview today with Silicon Space for some contract work. We'll see how that goes.

Craziest dream last night; I was getting married to my first girlfriend Joanna. But I couldn't understand why. Like I knew it was this huge mistake. In fact it was the day of the wedding and everyone was there a little early and I was telling my parents why this was a huge mistake and asking them the best way to tell everyone. Somehow we had decided to get married the day after my birthday, and so that was how we got into this situation. Weird weird weird.

Abram's Joshua Tree Pics

Yahoo! Photos - smartguy_56's Photos - Joshua Tree

Cool stuff.

Seaside Lagoon

Dave, on the way there

Dave, serving it up

Nia

Bosco & Tanya

Nobody does it like Sara Lee.

Mm, nice weekend. Crazy week though. See previous post for that whole issue. I guess I neglected to mention that we got everything resolved, in the end. So, at least it's a happy ending. This week's meeting though ... man. I said something and this time Bergie got all worked up. We managed to talk that through too though, at least for now. Man.

Today I was pretty nervous about speaking though, as usual. I guess some things will probably never change. Anyway many people said they were encouraged and felt like it was very heart-felt, so I was really glad.

Yesterday was nice too. Ultimate frisbee was like three-on-four -- tiring but always a good workout. Then I spent about 2.5 hours working out said situation. After that Dave and I headed up to this event in LA that Sara invited me to ... I can never remember what it was called but it wasn't Singles Ignition, which was going on at the same time and was basically a dance; kind of a club scene. Actually Nicole told me today that it was a lot like a club, notably the unfavorable parts, and that she wished she had come to this event instead, had she heard about it. Oh well.

Anyway Dave and I drove up about two hours to Redondo Beach where this thing was held. Actually I drove maybe 45 minutes and then Dave took over because I was zonked out. Yah, yah, some things never change. Anyway it was volleyball and food and games and dancing; Dave and I were mainly there for the volleyball and friends. Lots of fun stuff. Nia was there too, which was great. We caught up a bit and it was cool to see she's doing well despite some challenges and stuff. I also saw Sherry, Sam, Bosco, Anna, Andrew ... it was cool. April, Rey, where were ya'll? Travis was there too, whom I had met before; he was MC actually. Loudly. Like, very loudly. Ouch.

So, I think the best thing was some good conversations with folks. Both Nia and Sara shared some tough things they were going through, which I thought was cool. Sam apparently was to sing in the choir for LA's congregational service today. *chuckle* Hope it went well. It was neat to know so many people.

When it was time to go Dave and I drove Sara home and got to meet her supposedly- effeminate cat George. I also saw Nikole and took a shot at fixing her computer. Dave had to drive most of the way home too, interestingly enough.

As far as today, we had a leaders' meeting in the morning since church was in the afternoon. As the meeting went on and on (and on) I kept thinking about the fact that I hadn't really nailed down what I was going to talk about at communion. I mean I had an idea somewhat but it was still a bit hazy. Then I had it out with Bergie and we were good to go and it was like 12:30pm. I managed to pull things together in about half an hour and I was on the road.

Finally church was over and all of my responsibilities were done. Jason, Carly, Russ and I had already planned to see Chronicles of Riddick as a matinee after church (with Nicole), but we didn't anticipate church taking so long (we watched Pitch Black on Friday night to get psyched up). We decided to go for it anyway and did the ol' "go team!" cheer and jammed out of there. Sara (Burdette) was going to join us but as soon as she found out it was a sci-fi flick she reneged (lame!). We had a really good time ... we went to Island's and Starbucks afterwards and had lots of good laughs.

All that, and I'm still home in time to do my blog. More deep thoughts later.

Rock 'n' Roll Marathon of a Day

Buca di Beppo

Man, what a day. This morning I was helping out packaging canned foods for a food bank. It was lots of fun; I just hope I don't have nightmares about putting the chicken can on top of the peanut butter jar. Repeatedly. Over and over.

Kat and I hung out for a while in the afternoon which was tons o' fun. And I guess there were a lot of people down here from San Fran to run the Rock 'n' Roll marathon, and Sara wanted me to go out with her friend (Isa)Bella. Thus the pic. We went to Buca di Beppo which was nice and loud but at least the waiter was really cool. Let's see if I remember everyone there: Charles, Tina, Valerie, Bella, Jessica, Angel, ... whoops (Offa?), Sara, Steve. Fun stuff.

Now I am tired. Tomorrow I am having the Talk with the BT. *Fingers crossed*. Let's see how it goes.

Nikki Tran just asked if I wanted to go to Yosemite with him sometime in July. Crazy! July is already getting booked up! This unemployed thing is really taking off.

Memorial Day Joshua Tree Synopsis

Abram

Kristin, Ben, Caroline

Caroline, Kristin, Ben

Caroline, Kristin, Abram, Ben, Vic

Ah, so much. Joshua Tree was a blast. Of hot air that is. I mean, it was ... really hot. It was a lot of fun too. We also ended up talking about some really deep stuff. Like, really deep. Here are the (same) pictures on Ofoto.

I left San Diego on Saturday around 11:30am. It was nice to be able to play ultimate that morning for a bit. With a bit of fussing around we were on the road around 3pm after picking up Abram, convincing Caroline to go and waiting for Kristin to show up. Along the way Ben and I were mostly talking about studying out other religions. He's been studying up on Hinduism a bit, which I thought was very interesting. I am excited to get more well-versed in other religions, and not just from the "Christian" perspective. What I mean is, I've taken a cursory look at other religions before, but always with a critical eye because I was coming from a strong Christian bias. I think I really ought to give them a bit more thorough treatment, and get a chance to hear it from supportive sources rather than just critical ones.

We arrived around 7:30pm and set up camp. Everyone was really helpful so we got dinner and a fire going really quickly. Afterwards we sang songs late into the night. I felt kind of bad because the campsite was nice and cozy with respect to other campers. We must have been about 20 feet away from the next tent. They didn't seem to mind though.

On Sunday the sun came up around 6:30am. Insanity. I'm not much of a morning person, but it was much worse considering the sun turned our tent into a greenhouse instantaneously. Plus we were being kind of loud and I was feeling it for our neighbors. Anyway it worked out fine; we had breakfast and then tried to escape the sun for a while. Ben tried to setup a little lean-to with his hammock but it just wasn't cutting it. Kristin fell asleep in her tent -- it was so hot though I was honestly afraid for her health. So we decided to head into town to escape. We went ghetto and brought our picnic lunch into McDonald's, which was a lot of fun. Then we went to Starbucks to "study". Turns out they had Cranium there, which I thought was very cool. It was Caroline and me against Ben and Abram. I won't mention who won. But I did think it was interesting that Ben mentioned he hadn't lost a game in a looong time. Actually, it was about the closest game I've ever seen.

By this time we decided to head out to the actual Joshua Tree park. After some aimless driving around and finding the slowest entrance booth in creation, we made it to a nice one-mile hike. We saw rocks. And cacti. And dirt. And lizards. And one rabbit. Neat. After that we went to a place called Jumbo Rock. Ben and I managed to climb this pretty steep one. It was quite an accomplishment. Ben almost gave into fear but he battled it valiantly and overcame. That was very satisfying. On the way down we helped Caroline down because she was feeling a bit spooked too. Almost like one of those team-building exercise things. Fun.

After all that we went to another place called Key View where we had a little communion service while the sun set. It was pretty much picture perfect, except the wind was really chilly. Abram shared his thoughts from Matthew 26:69-27:5, comparing and contrasting Peter and Judas. We sang a song, prayed, and passed some bread and juice. It was very cool.

We headed home and started up a late dinner -- around 9pm. After dinner we had quite a discussion on the topic that I have been thinking about for a while -- the idea of being "chosen" or "special" from God's perspective. It was a little difficult getting through sometimes, mostly because I'm still forming a lot of what I'm feeling. The main idea is this: What does it mean to be chosen by God? And how does that relate to the concept that God loves all people equally? I think I'll dedicate another post to this exclusively, actually. Anyway, as far as the conversation went, I ended up getting a little frustrated with Abram because I felt like he was just trying to "fix" me. He backed off after I said something, but I felt bad because the whole mood after that felt a bit more somber. Anyway, this morning Abram apologized to me for not listening, which appreciated a lot.

One thing Caroline asked me was, what prompts you to think about this? And, it was a good question. And I think I just answered off the top of my head, kind of before I really thought about it. But as it was coming out I think it started to sink in.

For most of my Christian walk I have devoted myself to people in such a way that I tried very hard to treat everyone equally. In a sense I denied feeling closer to anyone over another, because in my mind that was playing favorites, and in my understanding, God didn't play favorites, so I shouldn't either.

More recently though, I've realized that it is unrealistically idealistic to feel obligated to "love" everyone equally -- that is, to devote the exact same amount of time, heart, energy, etc. to anyone that God puts in my path. And maybe some of the consequences of my way of thinking is that I never really have developed those really close friendships. Or, at least I haven't really allowed myself to invest more into people that I feel naturally closer to, especially because most of them are far away or married or both. Anyway, so I've changed my way of thinking a bit. But then, what does that mean about God's view of us? Are there people that he feels more close to than others?

The difficult part comes when I realize that, I don't have someone that cherishes me above all others, and who I feel the same way towards. It is a very special manifestation of God's love. We are supposed to say, "God is enough;" in other words, the right answer is to meet this need to feel "special" to someone with God. But the honest truth is, I have a hard time feeling that God thinks that I am "special" in that same way. Imagine someone lamenting, "No one loves me" and someone else responding, "Oh come on, your mother loves you!" Not quite the point.

Anyway, thanks Caroline, for asking. I think it was a good step in the right direction. Unfortunately the mood seemed kind of subdued afterwards. I didn't mean to bring everyone down. After that I was pretty much drained and zonked out pretty quick.

Whew. I made it home today around 4pm and I must say I was pooped. A lot of it was physical, but maybe a bit emotional too. It was quite a lot to chew on. Anyway, good times, stuff, dude, this guy, straight carrots, Ben-cakes, super-sized, grounds-where-kids-play, lizards-that-lounge -- you name it, we had it. A great Memorial Day weekend.