Yosemite was so much fun. It's good to be back home though. I'm mostly grateful that I wasn't sick. I was feeling pretty crummy on the drive up, so as soon as we arrived, around 2pm on Wednesday, I slept most of the afternoon. I figured the high altitude had an effect on me too. What was interesting was that I ended up laying in bed for a few hours unable to sleep for all except the last night there. I think I was thinking too much too.
The biggest gripe that Nikki had about the trip was that there are no feats of strength in Yosemite — well, at least, not the kind that have the kind of return on investment that he's used to. The closest thing we came to was horseback riding, which was actually mule-back riding. The most difficult thing about that was filtering out the over-achieving comments of the kid on the mule behind me all the way up. "Don't let your mule eat! Keep your helmet on!" Um, thanks kid. Can you take a really close look at my mule's rear leg?
I had met the Enyarts before (Jared's parents), but this time I got a little more time to spend with them. I met Jennifer, Jared's sister, her husband Darren, their child Spencer, and Darren's dad (I think) Sam too. Super cool family.
Anyway, I ended up thinking a lot about where my life is at with respect to my bible-talk, my household, and my leadership group. I am finding that I tend to really rant a lot about these things, especially when left to the solitude of my thoughts. The thought that kept lingering in my mind is, if I am so smart/wise/loving, why isn't my intelligence/wisdom/love speaking for itself? Why do I feel like I need to explain myself all the time? If I was really leading the way, wouldn't people just feel the results of my decisions through my life, instead of me having to preach it? It brings to mind Matthew 11:19. And, the other thought that formed after a lot of tossing and turning was, Who is the common denominator in all of these relationship circles? *sigh*
The revelation in all this, I believe, is that I am not a very merciful person. I tend to evaluate people and situations in terms of whether they deserve things — my attention, my praise, my investment. Undoubtedly everything and everyone in creation will eventually fail me or be flawed in some way; therein lies my excuse to deem them undeserving of investment. And that is the way I have felt about nearly all of my relationships — these people don't deserve my praise, my appreciation, my admiration. It feels awful to actually say that, but there it is.
I began to think about the definition of grace — unmerited favor. Man. And I start to realize that here is where the rubber meets the road with regards to real love, real Christianity. Because what all this line of thinking leads to is the fact that deep down, I really feel like I do deserve praise and appreciation and admiration. Double *sigh*.
Anyway, I guess that's what some time away from the typical distractions of life gets me. Next week: New Yawk. Time to hit the sack.